The question of 'what came first, the chicken or the egg?' might be a thoughtful philosophical question to ponder, but in the end it only matters that there is a chicken at all. The question in games of 'what came first, the game or the concept?' is much more important to the quality of a game than the previous question is to the tastiness of a chicken. Such is the case with Eat Lead: The Return Of Matt Hazard. The game tells the tale of an aging videogame action hero cast into a new game following years of retirement after many failed attempts at different genres, including a kart racing title and a kid-friendly water pistol shooter. Hazard is understandably excited for his return to glory, but it becomes quickly apparent that someone invited him to the game for the sole purpose of killing him. Enemies from his past games begin warping into the game, and help from a sassy anonymous woman known only as 'QA' confirms the trouble Hazard is in.
Hazard blasts his way through various levels in an effort to reach comrades from the company's other franchises dangled as bait. With a handful of lengthy boss battles and levels that too often require frustrating backtracking, level design is not the game's highpoint. The story is clever and, thanks to some stellar voice work from Will Arnet and Neil Patrick Harris, delivers some genuinely hilarious moments poking fun of videogame clichés that have driven gamers nuts for years. Parodies run the gambit from Mario to Master Chief to World Of Warcraft, with well-written cut-scenes delivering the decent storyline. Unfortunately, that is where the inventiveness stops. Eat Lead is a dreadfully generic third-person shooter whose own gameplay puts it in no position to poke fun of other games. Hazard simply does not control well enough to truly enjoy the experience, running in a clunky, lumbering fashion that makes the game feel a bit sluggish. The lack of a jump or roll button is not funny as much as it is lazy. Thankfully, you spend the majority of the game dashing from piece of cover to the next.
The cover system mechanics actually work fairly well, with the ability to spin around the same item to another side if you end up flanked. Making your way through large rooms with lots of cover is simple. With the crosshairs aimed at a nearby piece of cover, a quick press of 'Y' sends Hazard darting there for safety. The system generally works well, with some minor issues when used from the middle of a current piece of cover rather than the edge. Cover is mostly destructible, with a clever evaporation effect that fits the game's setting. Even so it constantly proves to be a bit too much of a crutch through most of the game, with blind-fire headshots a bit too simple to execute. It seems odd to include several quicktime event boss battles without at least acknowledging how much gamers hate them. There is also a moment where you need to defend an NPC from an onslaught of enemies from a rooftop with an arcade cabinet's sniper rifle.
Despite Hazard's joke about the stationary gun, the game fails to recognize that these defend scenarios are annoying. At times, it is hard to tell if the writers and developers were both in on the joke. Defeated enemies evaporate into a blue haze of 'code', absorbed by Hazard for his upgrade meter. With a full meter, Hazard can choose between fire or ice weapon upgrades to make rooms swarming with enemies a bit easier to navigate. Both upgrades incapacitate the enemy for several seconds, giving you the chance to deal with more pressing enemies or quickly finishing them off. There are also temporary shield and attack upgrades to pick up through the game, with a ticking timer in the upper left-hand corner reminding you how much longer you have them for. There are also melee attacks, but, with three hits required to take down an enemy, they are not a wise choice when facing more than one at a time.
There is a fair amount of enemy variety, but early on they are nothing more than an excuse to hand-deliver new weaponry. The western renegades, Russian soldiers, and security officers all behave identically, with the same obvious 'headshot' weak point. Things get a little better once Hazard's zombie foes come clawing with headshots doing the only real damage, and the fem-bot style assassins need to be stunned before you can finish them off with a melee attack. The game at least keeps you on your toes with enemies that consistently spawn all around you, making the frequent checkpoints a welcome sight. Sonically, the game is a mixed bag. The voice acting is nothing short of fantastic, which will hopefully lead other developers to use real Hollywood talent in the future. The electro-action score of the game is reminiscent of an early nineties space shooter, fitting the story of the game perfectly.
Unfortunately, the sound effects do not get the same care. Specifically, the guns sound atrocious, with a hollow, tinny sound that fails to deliver the appropriate 'pop' you expect. The magnum handgun actually sounds more like a cougar's screeching growl more than a gunshot. Graphically, the game gets the job done without ever wowing you. It looks a couple of years behind the times at this point, but is far from the worst looking game you will find on the console. Despite the bland gameplay, you almost want a multiplayer aspect just to see what jabs they could have taken at lag and poor sportsmanship. In the end, Eat Lead's story and characters have far more personality than the gameplay. This really like the clever concept slapped on a stock third-person shooter they already had finished, limiting how creative and inventive the game really is.
